


You're already the voice inside my head

by GayaIsANerd



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Kiss, First Meetings, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Youtube AU, canonical soulmates, eliott has an asmr channel, lucas cant sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 10:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20505548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayaIsANerd/pseuds/GayaIsANerd
Summary: Lucas shook his head, “What the hell is ASMR?”“It’s this type of video where people talk in very calming voices and make noises and it’s kind of developed to calm you down,” Manon explained, shrugging while she took another sip of wine. Her explanation didn't really explain all that much, and she frowned down at the glass of wine in her hand as if realizing and blaming it on the amber liquid.“Sounds dumb,” Lucas said.//The one where Lucas starts watching ASMR, or maybe just that one guy doing ASMR





	You're already the voice inside my head

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [You're already the voice inside my head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259670) by [moreseav](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreseav/pseuds/moreseav)

> As always, a huuuge thanks to Isi for beta-ing this and cheerleading me along the way! You're the best and I adore you!
> 
> Comments and kudos feed the cats!

It started off by a throwaway comment made by Manon. Lucas had been feeling bad, weighed down by the stress of university and the loneliness after his most recent break-up. It hadn’t been a serious relationship, both of them not truly in love with the other. Their breakup had been polite, almost unfeeling. Lucas didn’t miss him so much as the company, a body in his bed, a person to hold him at night.

As always when he felt down, Manon hadn’t left his side. 

That night, he’d been sitting on the couch with Manon, their legs thrown over each other, glasses of wine in hand, the TV playing in the background. Leftovers from the food Manon had cooked were still on the coffee table, and Lucas felt tired, worn down.

“Have you tried ASMR?” Manon had asked, voice soft and worried. A little scrunch to her forehead that Lucas has started to see as her big sister frown. The one she reserved for him and maybe Emma. He adored the little frown, even if he would never admit to it.

Lucas shook his head, “What the hell is ASMR?”

“It’s this type of video where people talk in very calming voices and make noises and it’s kind of developed to calm you down,” Manon explained, shrugging while she took another sip of wine. Her explanation didn't really explain all that much, and she frowned down at the glass of wine in her hand as if realizing and blaming it on the amber liquid.

“Sounds dumb,” Lucas said, and that was that.

The rest of the bottle got emptied, a second followed, until Manon yawned so wide her jaw popped. She kissed Lucas on the cheek as she apologized and went to bed, telling him to try and sleep.

Lucas truly did try, tossing and turning, trying to relax and get his brain to shut off long enough for him to sleep. But the thoughts raced in his head and his eyes burned from sleep deprivation. 

At long last, he grumbled as he grabbed his phone, the light burning his eyes, making him curse before he lowered the lightning. He reached into his bedside table for his earphones, sighing when they came out a tangled mess of cords.

When he finally succeeded in untangling the mess and popping them in his ears, he typed in ASMR into the YouTube search bar, weary of what he would find. The first recommendation that came up was a girl with a sweet smile and a title that promised him a full night of sleep. She seemed nice enough, the cup of tea in her hands inviting. 

Just before he could click on the video, however, his eye fell on the one below. 

It was a boy. His hair unstyled like he just ran his hands through it, his piercing blue eyes looking right into the camera.  _ Draw with me _ , the video was called and under that his nickname, Raton Laveur. 

Without thinking, Lucas clicked on the video. 

“Hello, my dudes,” the boy on the screen whispered. He leaned to the other side of the microphone and continued, “It’s Eliott here.” He grinned as he made a sort of V-symbol over his eyes, from left to right. “Today I thought it might be nice to draw. I always feel like the sound of pencil on paper is very relaxing and so I hope it can take away some of your stress.” 

He smiled, one side of his mouth arching up higher than the other as he grabbed some paper, rustling the paper near the microphone. His eyes lowered, as if nervous, before looking back into the camera. He shrugged, an answer to a question no one asked and twirled his pencil in between his fingers. 

“You can watch me work, or close your eyes and just relax, I don’t mind either way. Just remember to breathe,” he whispered, his voice light and soft. 

As he started drawing, he kept talking. About what he was doing, about his studies, about the weather. Just a constant stream of soft spoken words and the scratching sounds of pencil on paper. 

Lucas felt silly and awkward but also… relaxed. The sound of the boy’s whispers combined with the crinkles of the paper and the pencil scratching made him breathe easier than he had in weeks. Soon, he felt his eyes beginning to close, too heavy to hold them open. He fell asleep with the soft laugh of the boy in the back of his mind while he rambled on about raccoons for some reason.

*

He woke up the next morning having slept better than he had in ages. The cords of his earphones tangled up in his sheets, one of his earphones stuck to his cheek. Lucas stretched, popping his joints as he did.

He pulled on the cords to unveil his phone from somewhere under the blankets, unlocking it to check the time and start his morning ritual of useless scrolling through social media.

When he unlocked it, however, the video popped back up, frozen on the end card. The boy -Eliott- was looking straight into the camera, his drawing held up. Lucas rewound the video just a bit so he could properly see the drawing.

“Are you ready?” Eliott asked, grinning. His voice was raspier, and his fingers twitched against the paper. He slowly turned the page, letting the rustling be picked up by the microphone. “Tada,” he whispered when the full drawing was revealed.

Lucas paused the video and brought it up fullscreen. It was a raccoon, cartoonishly drawn. It was looking down at its own sheet of paper, a camera in front of him. The background was a rendition of Eliott’s room, except every picture in the background containing people now contained other animals like the raccoon. 

Lucas laughed as he noticed other little details, the glass of champagne that Eliott had put next to the camera was now a fruit smoothie. The background of the computer, which had been a painting, was now a drawing of a trashcan in the same style of the original. 

He pressed play again and Eliott pulled the drawing away from the screen. “A self portrait,” he laughed softly. “Okay, if you have any requests for another video, leave them below. Most importantly, however, have a good night’s rest. Sleep tight!” He waved, one hand still holding up the drawing and the video cut out. 

Lucas scrolled down to the comments, unsurprisingly finding it full of people thirsting over Eliott. Amongst them however, were comments thanking Eliott for helping them fall asleep, overcome anxiety attacks, making them smile during dark days. 

Eliott had liked all of those comments, and replied to a fair bunch of them. It was clear he cared about his audience. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Lucas clicked to subscribe to the channel and finally closed the app. 

Foregoing his ritual of mindless scrolling altogether, he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. 

Manon was sitting at the kitchen table, a book in front of her, a cup of coffee in her hands. “Morning,” she said without looking up from her reading, “there’s fresh coffee.”

Lucas mumbled his thanks and poured a cup before he sat down opposite of her.

Mornings had become exponentially more calm and enjoyable since Manon and Lucas decided to move out the coloc together. Mika had thrown a fit, blaming Lucas for Manon leaving, and Lisa still refused to talk to him. 

Still, Lucas wouldn’t have made any other decision. For one because, without her, he never would’ve been able to afford an apartment as nice as this one in the middle of Paris. Secondly, and maybe even more importantly, because they worked together effortlessly. 

Without having to talk about it, they knew when to give each other space, or when to make sure the other was feeling loved and taken care off. 

As she pushed the last of her sandwich over to him, Lucas smiled at her, grateful for her presence in his life.

“How did you sleep?” she asked, eyes still glued to the book.

“Good,” he replied, mouth full.

The reply finally made her look up and take in his appearance. “Huh,” she said, “you look well-rested.”

“I am,” Lucas nodded, watching her watch him. “I - uh - I tried that ASMR thing you told me about. I guess it helped.”

She smiled widely, “Oh, good!” Eyes once again focused on the book, she reached out and squeezed his hand before turning the page.

*

Lucas yawned as he dropped down in his seat, pushing a cup of coffee in front of Imane. 

She hummed as she picked it up and took a sip. “You look better,” she said, eyeing him over the rim of the cup.

He shrugged. Truthfully, he’d been sleeping better all week since starting to watch Eliott’s channel. He had picked a new video every night, preferring the ones of him drawing. The soft scratching of the pencil and the rustling of the paper mixed with his melodic voice lulling Lucas to sleep without fail.

“Did you read the texts for today?” He asked instead of answering. Her eyes narrowed but she let it go, instead pulling the printed out version of the text out of her bag.

Lucas laughed when he saw all she had underlined and the notes she had written in the margins. “So, how much of this class will be you in discussion with the professor again?”

Imane snorted, her jaw tightening as she flipped through the pages, “If he wouldn’t assign us stupid texts like these, we wouldn’t have this problem.” She tapped a part of the text she had highlighted in angry red pen, the notes scribbled together so closely they were almost unreadable. “Stupid,” she said.

Lucas was happy to be sharing at least the first two years of university with her by his side. He’d never expected them to become as close as they had. Now, whenever she came to visit Manon, she’d insist he’d stay and drink tea with them more often than not. 

After his boyfriend had broken up with him, she’d been the one dragging him to a party, messaging the rest of their friends to meet them there. 

As soon as the class began, Imane’s hand shot up. A boy on the row behind them groaned and Lucas turned around, glaring at him until the boy lowered his eyes, slumping in his seat.

Lucas settled in, they would be here for a while.

*

Eliott softly cleared his throat. “So, I kind of bruised my hand skating.” He held up his hand, slightly swollen, to the camera. “That means I can’t draw today, sorry.”

Lucas had been pleased to see a new video today, opting for that one instead of going further down Eliott’s history like he had been doing for the past two weeks. 

“But I’ve seen a new documentary today, while I was lying on the couch, feeling sorry for myself and my poor hand,” he laughed silently. Lucas smiled. “The documentary was about space,” Lucas perked up, turning up the volume, “I always loved documentaries about space. It’s wild, you know? What’s out there. Kind of makes you feel small.” He shrugged, shoulders high up and head tilted in thought, “Small in a good way, though.”

He was silent for a bit, tapping his fingers against the side of his desk. 

“It also makes you think about all that… well, space,” he snorted, “you know, the whole fact that we’re not alone out there.”

Lucas frowned, turning on his side so he could rest his hand holding the phone. 

“I mean, the documentary talked about how there are galaxies out there just like ours. They must contain life. Maybe there’s like an… alien Eliott out there making ASMR video’s but then with, uh, holograms or something.”

“What the fuck,” Lucas muttered to himself before clicking out of full screen and scrolling down to the comment section. He bit his lip in thought for a second before tapping the little black box that would let him comment.

_ You do realize it’s not a “fact” that there are aliens out there, right?  _ He typed while Eliott rambled on,  _ Scientists have been looking for technosignatures all over the Milky Way and 100 neighbouring galaxies without finding anything!  _

“There’s this star,” Eliott said, sounding excited. Lucas pressed send so he could look at Eliott’s face again, “And the documentary said it’s super likely there’s life on it. ‘Cause it resembles Earth, you know?” His eyes shone, he was beautiful.

Lucas groaned as he pressed the box again.  _ The star is called Teegarden’s star, but it’s not actually the star that is habitable. Just like the Sun isn’t. The planets around it might be tho. !MIGHT! We just know water might be present. But we can’t actually see it, yet… Fun fact (not that I really believe it…) IF there is life on this planet, they would be able to see us, even when we can’t see them because of a coincidence of cosmic geometry. Thought you’d like to know that. _

Meanwhile, Eliott had moved on to a different topic, hands moving as he discussed music. Lucas let his eyes fall shut as the boy’s voice washed over him.

*

“What about that guy?” Basille asked, pointing at a guy who was obviously flirting with the girl in front of him.

Lucas didn’t even answer, just slapped Basille’s hand down and ignored his yelp. 

“I don’t know why you’re all so obsessed with my sex life, I’m doing fine,” he said. 

Yann looked him up and down and shrugged, “I have to admit you look better, these days.”

“Still, it wouldn’t hurt to get laid,” Arthur added, still looking around the room for a potential partner for Lucas. “I mean, sure you’re sleeping better, but you’re still a grumpy, lonely shit.”

Lucas slapped the back of his head. “Asshole,” he mumbled, getting up, “I’m getting more beer, y’all better have stopped this bullshit by the time I get back. And no,” he interrupted Basille, “I’m not buying any of you a beer.”

As always, the area around the bar was crowded. The beer at the student bar was cheap and not half bad, drawing in students and tourists alike. Sweaty bodies swaying to the music and yelling to be heard, the din of the voices louder than the actual music was. Lucas cursed as he was crushed between two giant men, but finally managed to slip through and lean against the bar.

He waved at the bartender, trying to catch her attention and sighed when she didn’t even glance his way. 

“Let me help. What can I get you?” a voice beside him asked. Lucas turned his face to look at him. The boy was about his age, dark hair and a wide smile. The only prominent feature Lucas could see in the dim light of the bar was the ring in the boy’s nose and his eyes that seemed to be stuck to Lucas like magnets. 

“Uh... beer,” Lucas remembered to reply and gawked as the boy leaned over the bar to grab a glass and tap the beer himself. “What,” Lucas muttered, too surprised to object.

“Don’t worry,” the boy smiled before pulling a five euro bill out of his pocket and laying it behind the counter, “it’s not theft when you pay for it.”

“Uh-” Lucas replied.

“Let’s go sit,” the boy put his hand on Lucas’ lower back softly guiding him to a free table in the back. “I’m Robin,” he held out his hand for Lucas to shake, still smiling widely.

“Lucas,” he introduced himself, shaking the boy’s hand.

“Are you here alone, Lucas?” Robin asked, pushing his chair closer to Lucas’.

Lucas pointed at the table where his friends were sitting, all three of them with matching grins aimed at him and Robin. “I’m with those idiots over there.”

Robin laughed, leaning his elbow on the table, blocking his view on his friends. Lucas frowned at the move but relaxed when Robin just smiled.

From this close, Lucas could see his features better. The boy was handsome, there was no doubt about that. His eyes were dark, almost black, blown out by the mixture of alcohol and the bad lightning. His cheekbones were high and prominent. The golden ring in his nose caught the light from the dancefloor, highlighting the sharp cut of his nose. 

“Want to make out?” Robin asked and Lucas couldn’t help but laugh. When he stopped laughing, Robin was still looking at him, waiting for an answer, so Lucas shrugged and nodded.

“Sure.”

Robin’s kiss was… good. Nothing spectacular. It was a nice kiss. A good amount of pressure, not too much spit, hands at appropriate places. 

“Want to come home with me?” Robin asked, pulling away. His thumb softly stroke the shell of Lucas’ ear and for a moment he was tempted to say yes.

His phone buzzed with a notification. “Give me a second,” he told Robin, leaning away from him and pulling out his phone. 

_ Raton Laveur has liked your comment _

_ Raton Laveur has pinned your comment _

_ Raton Laveur has replied to your comment _

Lucas stared at the notifications before tapping his phone to open them.

_ That’s so interesting! Thank you for telling me! Do you study something to do with space or are you just that smart? Sorry for butchering all that space talk, I’m just a poor artist, trying to make content. _

Lucas laughed and liked the comment.

_ I’m doing my bachelor now, but I hope to do a master in Astronomy, Astrophysics and Space Engineering. Sorry if I came off a bit harsh, I think I was half asleep typing.  _

He bit his lip, tapping his phone before adding.

_ I love your content _

“So?” Robin asked him and Lucas’ head snapped up. Robin had backed up substantially, absentmindedly playing with the rings on his fingers. He smiled when Lucas made eye contact.

“I don’t think so,” Lucas said, shrugging apologetically. Robin reached out, his thumb stroking Lucas’ lower lip once before pulling away again.

“That’s what I thought,” Robin smiled, tilting his chin towards Lucas’ phone, “I hope that whoever he is, he treats you right.”

Lucas blushed, unable to form words as Robin got up and left leaving Lucas in plain view of his friends, confused looks on their faces.

*

“Hey dudes,” Eliott whispered. He looked tired, black circles under his eyes, shoulders raised high. “I’m not feeling my best today, so I won’t be talking much. But I will be drawing for a bit.”

He pauses, eyes locked somewhere to the right of the camera. Suddenly he smiled, “To my friend in the comments, I’m sure you’ll have a lot to say about the accuracy of my drawing. Feel free to correct me!” 

Lucas rewound the video, listening to Eliott again, trying to figure out if he was annoyed at Lucas for his previous comments. He seemed to mean it, however. The smile on his face tired but real.

“I was thinking about what you said, about how they would be able to see us, even if we couldn’t see them,” he was silent again, his movements slow as he started getting all his drawing material ready. The box of pencils clicked on the desk and Eliott swallowed, picked it back up and put it back down. “I love this sound,” he mumbled, halfway between a whisper and a sentence that was not meant to be heard. 

“Anyway, I know you said you don’t think they’re actually out there, but just go with it, yeah? For me?” he smiled again, looking right into the camera.

_ I’ll go anywhere for you _ Lucas thought in the suspended moment before Eliott looked away again.

Slowly, Eliott set to work. His pencil scratched the paper softly, the metal box clinking every time he took out another one. As he had said in the beginning, he didn’t talk, but still the rustling of the paper, the soft strokes of the pencil and the even breathing of Eliott rocked Lucas to sleep, phone inches from his face. Eliott’s eyes, as he looked into the camera for just a moment, were the last thing he saw before falling asleep and they followed him into his dreams.

*

In the morning, he checked the video again. Rewinding it just enough to see the end result.

The drawing was different from the others. This one was painted realistically. A single person standing on bare ground, what Lucas assumed must be one of the planets circling Teegarden’s star.

Their face was raised to the sky, hands curled into fists at their side. Above them, high in the sky, was the solar system that contains Earth. Earth was lit up in an otherwise dark space. One part lit by the sun, the other by tiny lights, almost like Earth was made up by a million stars.

Lucas screenshotted the image and pressed play on the video once more.

“Good night,” Eiott whispered, lowering the drawing. 

He bit his lip as he scrolled down to the comment box.  _ You did your research! _ He typed before deleting it again.

_ Good job, that actually looks realistic _

Groaning, he deleted it again. 

_ It only takes about 12 light years to get back to Earth. I hope you got some sleep, Eliott. _

Lucas bit his lip thinking. He didn’t know Eliott, not really. Everything he knew of the boy were things he had decided to share with his audience. But still, Lucas felt like Eliott would understand what he meant.  _ You’re not alone. _

He hesitated before pressing send. Mind spinning in circles, wondering what was better: Eliott not getting it or Eliott getting it and thinking he was creepy.

“What the hell,” he cursed, pressing the send button harder than necessary, the lights under the screen faltering for a second before they went back to normal.

He got out of bed, too anxious to stay there now.

He came back into his room half an hour later, towel slung around his hips, hair dripping on his shoulders. He sniffed the shirt hanging over the back of the chair when his phone pinged with a message.

Grabbing the phone, he quickly unlocked it when he saw it was a reply from Eliott

He had liked the comment, pinned it like last time.

_ Thank you. Good to know. I hope you got some sleep too <3 _

Lucas’s fingers clutched the phone as he stared at the heart, his own beating wildly. 

*

Yann bit down on the sandwich, the salad crunching between his teeth. “So,” he said, stopping to swallow, “you have a big fat crush on a youtube dude.”

Basile snorted, hands flying up to his mouth to make sure no food flew out.

Lucas wrinkled his nose in disgust as he looked at Basile before turning back to Yann. “I do not have a big fat crush. I’m just saying -”

“He’s the most handsome and has an amazing voice and he’s been helping you sleep and you wish he would not only talk you to sleep but also gently fuck you to sleep,” Arthur interrupted, big grin on his face.

“I never said that!” Lucas screeched, looking around the cafeteria to check if anyone had overheard them. “I’m just saying,” he paused to glare at Basile who opened his mouth, “I’m just saying that he’s really handsome and he makes good content. That’s all.”

“I do not get how you can listen to ASMR,” Yann leaned backwards in his chair, the backrest tapping the wall as he bounced up and down on its hindlegs, “It’s so creepy.”

“I once saw a video where this girl played your girlfriend and all of a sudden she turned into a dominatrix and started spanking you,” Basile said. It was silent for a beat before he continued, “Best orgasm ever.”

“Please stop talking. Forever,” Lucas groaned. “It’s not like that at all. He just… draws and talks about his life and his interests. There’s nothing sexual about it.”

“What does he draw?” Arthur asked, turning to look at Lucas.

“All sorts of things.” Lucas pulled out his phone and opened the pictures app. He put his phone on the table so the boys were able to watch as he scrolled down the saved screenshots he had of Eliott’s art.

“Wait, you saved these?” Yann asked, wide smile on his face, “Dude, that’s a full-blown love affair!”

“Shut up,” Lucas mumbled, and beamed when Arthur complimented the drawings.

“In love,” Yann whispered, earning himself another glare from Lucas.

*

“So, as you might be aware, I have a patreon,” Eliott started his next video. Lucas, in fact, was aware. He’d had the patreon page open a while back, eyes going back and forth between the donate button and the state of his bank account. In the end he had closed the page, consoling himself with the fact that he could always come back later.

“One of the perks on there is that you can request a video,” Eliott smiled, “for details on the whole patreon thing, check out this video.” He pointed up to where he had linked to another video of his. “Anyway, this month, the requested video is a video where I do some different triggers.”

He held up some things to the camera. “They also requested that I didn’t talk too much, so uh…” he shrugged, “sorry for talking a lot and I’ll try to be mostly quiet during this video.”

His fingers rubbed a wide comb, the teeth making a soft vibrating sound. Eliott moved the comb from one end of the microphone to the other, all the while plucking the teeth of the comb like a string.

He grinned and shrugged but stayed quiet as he slowly moved through different triggers. He looked a lot better compared to his last video. The dark circles under his eyes were mostly gone, and his shoulders were more relaxed. He still looked a bit tired, but less sad than last time.

After about half an hour he spoke again. “That was all of them, I hope you liked them. See you soon dudes, and sleep well!”

Lucas was still wide awake, and now annoyed at whoever had requested this video. He could’ve enjoyed the triggers, he even felt the soft tingles here and there, but the thing that truly put him to sleep was Eliott’s voice.

_ I’m sorry but your patreon is an idiot. Please don’t ever do this again. Now I’m wide awake and annoyed and I have to get up at 8 tomorrow to get to class. I’m sending them my coffee bill.  _

He clicked send before he could think about it and then frowned down at his own words. Maybe Eliott would think Lucas was annoyed at him or that he didn’t do the triggers well.

_ I mean, you did well but I missed your voice _

He added in a reply to his own post, jittery from lack of sleep and the irrational nerves that came with talking to Eliott. 

_ Ps. you’re not allowed to hold anything against me at 3 in the morning _

After adding this last thing, he clicked to an old video of Eliott. The one where he talked about space, where Lucas wrote his very first comment. He smiled as Eliott rambled on, his eyes slowly falling closed.

*

Lucas woke up to knocking on his door. It’s only when he opens his eyes he realizes his phone alarm was going off as well.

“Lucas?” Manon asked from the other side of the door, “I’m coming in. Please don’t be naked.”

She slowly opened his door and when she saw he was awake she walked fully into his room. She had her hair up in a high bun, a long t-shirt falling to her thighs. “Oh good,” she smiled, though the smile didn’t fully reach her eyes. She padded up to his bed, and Lucas could see how tired she looked before she got under the covers next to him, “Your alarm has been going off for half an hour, it woke me up.”

“Shit, sorry,” Lucas fumbled for his phone, finally silencing the insistent beeping.

Manon turned on her side to face him. Her eyes studied him for a beat, “Did you sleep poorly again?” she asked.

Lucas shrugged, the bed sheets rustling with the movement. “I slept okay, just fell asleep really late.” 

Manon hummed before crawling closer to Lucas, laying her head on his chest. His arms came up to rest around her shoulders. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m… okay,” she replies, voice soft. “Do you need to go to class?” 

He thought about it, noticing the way she breathes shallowly, holds him just a little too tightly. “I can skip. I’ll ask Imane to come over tonight with her notes, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “thank you.”

Lucas kissed the top of her head before grabbing his phone again to text Imane.

_ I’m skipping today. Manon needs me. Can u bring “notes” tonight? But also really… can u bring notes? _

When he clicked out of his instagram inbox, he suddenly noticed the notifications. Curious he tapped the little heart button to see them better.

Some user called srodulv had liked a ton of his pictures. When Lucas clicked through to the user’s profile, he was disappointed to see it was set to private, the only thing he could see the profile picture, but he couldn't really make anything out of that either.

He clicked back to his notifications, scrolling down the list of pictures the mysterious user had liked.

“What are you doing?” Manon asked, slightly raising her head from atop his chest.

“Hu?” he muttered, distracted, “Nothing, this person has liked a bunch of my pictures but I can’t see his profile.” He tapped the profile once again, squinting at his phone screen, trying to make something out of the profile picture.

Manon silently asked for his phone, and when he gave it to her, she looked at the profile before going back to Lucas’ notifications to see which photos the person had liked. “A secret admirer,” she grinned after scrolling through what looked like the twenty likes the person had left. 

“Or a stalker,” Lucas noted, taking back his phone just as Imane’s reply came through.

_ I’ll be there. You better feed me, though. _

“Pizza tonight?” Lucas asked, and Manon laughed.

“Tell Imane not to worry, I’ll cook.”

Lucas grinned before texting Imane as much. The only reply he got was an eyeroll emoji. Both Manon and Imane knew Lucas could cook, he just hated it and would rather live on take out for the rest of his life than cook every night.

Cooking reminded him of being back home. His father mysteriously missing for the night, his mother lost to her own hallucinations. It reminded him of being young and inexperienced, trying to scrape together enough food to make a meal. And afterwards, trying to make his mamma eat, most of the time to no success. 

“Hey,” Manon interrupted Lucas’ reply to Imane, “do you still listen to ASMR to fall asleep?”

Lucas hummed, “It helped me a lot.”

“Do you think we could listen to some now? I know you’re supposed to listen with headphones or something but maybe…”

“Yeah,” Lucas said, already opening Youtube, “we can do that.”

The video he clicked on was one where he knew Eliott talked quite a bit, his voice just loud enough to be heard on the iPhone speakers, the silences filled up with the typical drawing sounds Lucas had come to associate with Eliott.

“He’s quite handsome,” Manon whispered, mirroring Eliott’s speaking.

Lucas softly laughed, pushing some of Manon’s hair out of her eyes, “He really is.”

*

He woke up feeling disoriented and hungry, Manon still sleeping soundly next to him. He grabbed his phone to check the time, noting that it was still relatively early. 

He turned his head towards Manon, watching her curled up form under the blankets, her hands in fists beside her head as if trying to protect herself from whatever dangers she encountered in her dreams.

Lucas wished he could help her, take away all her fears and trauma. Instead, he just pulled her back into his chest and felt her slowly relax once more. Sometimes he thinks this is what makes them work together so effortlessly. Shared childhood trauma, though manifested in different ways, making them understand each other better than anyone else ever could.

With the hand not holding Manon, he unlocked his phone and opened the groupchat with the boys.

_ Hot Girl is back _ Basile had sent, adding a creepily taken picture of some girl’s back.

_ Ur a creeper  _ Arthur had replied before going into a long - undoubtedly Alexia inspired - rant about how inappropriate it was to take pictures of girls without them knowing.

Lucas double tapped his message before typing one himself.

_ Some person liked a ton of my pictures but their profile is set on private? Secret admirer or stalker? Find out when I (don’t) get killed _

Yann replied instantly with five laughing emojis, before adding  _ sent profile link! _

Lucas sent him the link,  _ Not sure why you want it, considering it’s set on private. Like I said…  _

_ I sent them a friend request _ Basile replied and Lucas’ heart stopped.

_ WHAT? Why would you do that? Undo it now! _ He frantically typed.

_ Too late, dude, he’s going to get the notif anyway _ Arthur replied, adding an upside down smiley.

_ I hate you, Basile!  _

Lucas clicked out of the groupchat, going back to the mysterious account. He wanted to know who they were but, just in case they were a creepy serial killer stalker, he also didn’t want to make too much contact. It could also just be one of those people trying to get as many followers as possible so they just randomly like pictures from people in hopes they follow them. 

His finger hovered over the  _ send follow request _ but before he could make up his mind, a text from Basile drew his attention.

_ LUCAS!  _ And then, before Lucas could reply,  _ He liked all my pictures with you in them wtf _

Lucas just stared at the message, lost for words.

_ So, dude, who gets ur laptop when he kills you?  _ Arthur asked

He rolled his eyes  _ First of all, when did we decide its a he? And secondly, Yann, obviously. _

Basile started typing something but before that came through, Lucas got another notification.

_ Raton Laveur  _ had replied to his comment on his video. He immediately clicked on it, feeling both dread and excitement form low in the pit of his stomach. He made a bit of a fool of himself last night, and he wasn’t really sure what to expect. How could anyone react to a random stranger going on about your voice at three in the morning?

The first thing Lucas saw were the hearts. A rainbow of hearts. And under that:  _ You are so sweet. I’ll make sure to talk lots next time, I wouldn’t want you to not be able to sleep and miss class! We need your brilliant mind.  _

_ Also, I would never hold anything against you… Or well…  _ The reply ended with a winking emoji. 

Lucas slowly let the double meaning sink in before he softly laughed. A warm feeling spread through his body as he looked at the reply, read it again and again. His eyes lingered over Eliott’s profile picture, the artfully tousled hair, the bold stare right into the camera. 

His heart thumped against his ribcage, hard enough to bruise. He sighed at himself and his treacherous heart because he knew.

He knew he was completely enamoured with this boy, stupidly and recklessly head over ass for a boy he had never even met and knew nothing about.

The only thing he knew was how nice Eliott’s face was. How nice his voice was. How he made him fall asleep feeling safe, how he made him laugh, how he made his heart race and his cheeks heat up. It was nothing, and yet… And yet he had never felt like this before. 

“Lucas?” Manon’s sleepily asked, yawning and turning in his arms. “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven,” he replied, locking his phone and putting it down on the bed.

She looked up at his face, eyes sharpening when she saw his face. “What are you thinking about?”

“Do you think you can fall for someone without having ever met them?” Lucas asked her.

Manon was quiet for a bit, thinking. “I think so,” she eventually said, “why?”

He shrugged, “I think I have a crush.”

“On that ASMR guy?” Manon asked, and laughed when Lucas looked at her in surprise, “you talk about him more than you realise, you know?”

They fell quiet again. Lucas listened to the sounds from outside his window. The cars rushing by on the streets, people talking as they walked, the ever present pigeons calling each other. He thought about Eliott, about the impossibility of falling for someone you didn’t know. 

Outside a boy laughed, low and happy. Lucas heard him pass by his window, his laughter accompanied by other voices, playfully teasing the boy.

Lucas let himself fall back to stare up at the ceiling. The boy laughed again and Lucas smiled. 

Manon’s rumbling stomach broke the silence in the room. 

Lucas laughed, “Let’s get out of bed and eat something, yeah?” He got out of bed, stretching out before making his way to where Manon was lying, still under the covers, “Come on!” he said.

She groaned, pulling the covers higher but giving in quickly when Lucas pulled them back down and started pulling on her hand to get her up.

“I’ll even pour your cereal in a bowl for you,” he said and she smacked his arm.

“Dumbass,” she laughed, making her way out of the room and into the kitchen.

Lucas looked down at his phone on the bed before deciding to leave it there for now, he’d only stare at the message Eliott had sent him and lose all focus on anything else otherwise.

*

Imane walked in that night, a flurry of Emma, Alexia and Daphné in her wake. “I tried to tell them they weren’t invited but apparently no one listened to me,” Imane said, handing Lucas her notes while staring the girls down.

Manon laughed, “It’s okay, I made enough food to feed an army.”

At that, Imane looked at Lucas, concern written in her dark eyes. He shrugged. Manon had been cooking for most of the afternoon, a sure sign of her mental state being bad.

Emma noticed it too, coming up behind Manon, who was still leaning over the stove, and hugged her close, her chin hooked on Manon’s shoulder.

Alexia rocked on her heels in the silence for a beat before turning to Lucas. “So!” she said, cheerily and with a sly look on her face, “You have a stalker?”

“A stalker?” Daphné’s voice went high as she whirled to look at Lucas.

He groaned, “I do not!”

“That’s not what Arthur said, he said the dude liked all your pictures-”

“It wasn’t all my pictures,” Lucas weakly protested.

“And after that he liked all Basile’s, Yann’s and Arthur’s pictures with you in.”

Lucas’ head snapped up from where he had been trying to sink into the ground. “He what?”

“Yeah!” Alexia grinned, way too much glee on her face.

“Fuck,” Lucas muttered before walking to his room to fetch his phone. Opening his instagram groupchat he saw he was flooded with messages from the boys telling him exactly what Alexia had.

Emma knocked on his doorpost, “So, do I get your room if he kills you?” she asked, and laughed when Lucas threw a pillow at her face, “Also, Manon said to tell you the food is ready.”

*

Thoughts of the stalker slowly disappeared from Lucas’ mind the following weeks however. In the worst timing ever, Eliott’s account went totally silent, Manon kept feeling bad and ended up sleeping with him more often than not, his professor gave them a last minute paper worth 40% of their grade and the ability to sleep left him completely. 

After about two weeks, Lucas walked into the kitchen and found Manon already there. She had slept in her own bed last night since Emma slept over, “giving Lucas the night off”. Even after Lucas had repeatedly, and truthfully, told her he really didn’t mind her sleeping with him, she still felt annoyed at herself for crawling under the sheets in the middle of the night.

“He’s still not back?” Manon asked when she saw him. 

Lucas laughed softly, shaking his head. He felt silly for missing Eliott, for feeling like he got broken up with. A couple of nights ago he had sent Eliott a private message on YouTube, telling him he hoped he was okay. He still hadn’t gotten an answer. 

In some way he felt like it was his own fault. He had been ridiculous in falling for a boy he knew of the internet. He had heard of people like that, people that got obsessed by celebrities and started stalking their homes.

Eliott was just a boy he watched on the internet, and his crush was stupid. He had more important things to think about, like how to condense twenty years of research into a ten thousand word essay.

He couldn’t afford to lie awake all night, thinking of a boy who probably forgot he existed the moment he logged off YouTube. 

Manon, perceptive as always, kissed his cheek as she got up to leave the kitchen and get ready for school, “He’ll come back.”

He could only hope she was right.

*

Another week passed. Manon felt better again, the haunted look behind her eyes gone. He found inspiration for his paper. Eliott was still gone, he still didn’t sleep.

He was going through the last edits of his paper, rushing to get it done before the deadline, when his phone pinged.

Distractedly, he picked up his phone, planning on putting it on silent so he could continue, when he saw it was a notification from youtube. Eliott had posted a new video titled  _ Sorry I’ve been gone (not ASMR) _ . 

Lucas bit his lip looking at the notification, glancing from his phone back to his paper. He groaned when he realised he should really finish his paper first, no matter how badly he wanted to watch Eliott’s video, it probably wasn’t worth failing this course over.

Twenty excruciating minutes later, he finally finished his last edits, correcting a small mistake in his bibliography. He quickly saved the file and uploaded it to the school server before finally loading up youtube. 

As fast as his internet would go, he clicked on Eliott’s video. 

The video started with a view of Eliott’s usual set: the desk he sat behind, the pictures on the wall behind him, the computer screen. Except this time Eliott wasn’t sitting in his chair. For a few beats this was all Lucas saw, the empty set, devoid of Eliott, devoid of sound. 

Then the video cut to a shot of a bed, the blankets bundled up around a figure in the middle of the bed, the only thing visible their hair. 

Lucas’ heart sank as he watched, the only sound the breathing of the person in bed and the soft rustling of the bed sheets as they moved. Even though he had no way of really telling, Lucas was sure the figure in bed was Eliott. He was reminded of the video Eliott made a while back, where he drew the lonely figure on the bare planet, the exhaustion on Eliott’s face then.

The video cut to black, then back to the bed, an uneaten plate of food next to it. Back to black, someone, face just out of sight was sitting next to Eliott who was still bundled up under the covers. Another second of darkness, then Eliott, sitting up next to the person, his knees drawn up to his chest, his head resting on top of them, face turned away from the camera.

Suddenly it was like the sound was turned up. A shot of medication on a table, a full glass of water next to it, sounds of the streets outside, someone walking on a wooden floor, music in the background, heard through a wall.

The video cut away again, back to the usual set. This time Eliott was there, but the room was in complete disarray, every surface covered with drawings. The normally calm pencil strokes sounded erratic, too fast to put anyone at ease. Lucas tried to figure out what Eliott was drawing but for some reason all the drawings were blurred. Eliott looked tired, worn out, like someone who had been awake for 24 hours and instead of sleeping had decided to drink another Redbull. 

The video cut again to black. “Eliott?” someone asked and the erratic drawing stopped. The silence felt deafening. 

Sound started back up again, softer this time. On screen, Eliott’s hands, two tablets lying in his palm. Running water, birds chirping and cars driving.

Cut, a cigarette between Eliott’s fingers, wrists leaning on the open window. It was night, below, people passed, laughing and singing.

Cut, the corner of a couch, a coffee table with a tissue box next to it, above it, on the wall, the certification of a psychologist, their name blurred out.

“So,” Eliott said and the video cut away again. He was sitting on a couch, eyes clear and deep, even with the soft black circles under them. “I’m bipolar.”

Lucas pressed pause, watched his hands shake. On screen, Eliott’s mouth was half opened, ready to say something else, his hands fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. 

The tap against the spacebar sounded loud in Lucas’ room.

“Explained very briefly, that means I have lows and highs. Depressive and manic episodes,” he paused, bit his lip, “I had been doing really well, but lately something's… changed… and it triggered a manic episode.” He sighed, “Not every manic episode is followed by a depressive one, but I had a very mild depressive episode before, I’m sure some of you picked up on it,” he smiled softly, “so now I kind of fell headlong into the depressive episode.” 

“I’m not…,” he half-shrugged, “I’m not planning on making this a mental health channel. I just wanted to explain why I was gone for so long, I wanted to be honest.”

Lucas blinked, surprised to find his eyes were clouded with tears. He wasn’t sure why he was crying, conflicting emotions raging through him.

“I’m feeling a lot better now. I took some time off YouTube to make sure I was truly okay before coming back. I missed you though,” he smiled, tilting his head slightly, his eyes turning into half moons. “I’m sorry this wasn’t an ASMR video, but I wanted to make something -uh- artistic?” He laughed, “But hey, now you’ve heard my actual speaking voice!” 

Lucas couldn’t help but smile, he had always wondered what Eliott sounded like when he was speaking in a normal tone. As to be expected, he sounded better than Lucas could’ve even imagined. It was kind of not fair.

“I really want to thank my friends Idriss and Sofiane for all the help, both with the video and with getting my shit together,” he shrugged, “You guys are the best. And that’s it! I’ll be back with an ASMR video soon! Bye dudes!”

The screen cut to black. Lucas swallowed and pressed play again, starting the video again from the beginning.

After watching the video a couple of times in a row, he scrolled down to the comment box. His leg jumped up and down as he thought about what he could say. How he could put what he felt into words, without sounding dumb or creepy or…

He got up from his desk, and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. 

He could say nothing, unsubscribe from Eliott’s channel and pretend this never happened. Pretend he didn’t fall for a boy he knew nothing about. 

His eye fell on a picture of him and his mamma, hanging on the fridge. They were sitting at the table in his apartment, identical wide smiles on their faces, heads close together as they talked. Manon had taken the picture shortly after they moved and his mamma had come to visit him for the first time. She had brought over two bottles of wine and had watched Lucas and Manon steadily get drunk while she just drank tea and laughed with their antics. 

He walked back to his room, looked out of his window as he gulped down the glass of water. Eliott being bipolar didn’t change anything about Lucas’ crush, it didn’t make him any  _ less _ . The only thing making Lucas’ hands shake and his mouth feel dry was his own ignorance, his fear for himself. He had fucked up so much with his mamma, had hurt her more than he could ever make up to her. 

And now Eliott was there, a boy he didn’t know but so desperately wanted to, and he was scared to say the wrong thing. To hurt him, before he could get to know him.

Lucas sat down again, tapped his fingers against his desk.

_ What do you wish people would’ve said to you when you told them you were mentally ill? _ He texted his mamma.

She replied almost instantly,  _ It’s okay to talk about it, it’s okay to not talk about it. I’m here for whatever you need, I’m here to listen, I won’t give you advice _

Lucas tapped his laptop’s mouse pad to wake it back up, hovering over the comment box for a moment before clicking it.

_ I’m so happy you’re back. I know we’ve never  _ really _ talked but I’m here if you want to, or if you need anything else. Anything at all. I won’t give you any advice, cause what do I know? But I can give you some cool planet facts! _

He pressed sent, trying not to overthink and spiral. 

He startled when his phone pinged again, and at the same time the message icon on YouTube lit up. 

_ Sorry for not answering for so long. You might’ve seen my video by now. _ Eliott had replied to his private message from almost three weeks ago.  _ I did see this when you sent it though… It meant a lot. Still does. Hope you’re okay <3 _

Lucas’ heart raced, and he grinned at the screen, stupidly giddy at the heart Eliott had sent. He was more than okay.

*

“I don’t normally roleplay,” Eliott said, smiling around the words. 

Lucas snorted at his stupid double entendre and pressed the like button already.

Eliott had been posting normally again for the past two weeks. Lucas still commented on every video Eliott posted, but besides that, they had also started sending each other private messages. 

The messages were playful, flirty without giving too much away. Still, Lucas felt butterflies every time he received a message from Eliott and was found staring at his phone, smiling, a lot these days.

“But today I got kind of inspired by… well, one of you, actually,” he shrugged, dropping his head down as he smiled. “Let’s hope he’s watching this one too, yeah?” 

Lucas jawned and nestled in deeper into the pillows, pulling the lid of his laptop lower so he could watch the video better. Somewhere along the way he’d switched over to his laptop to watch these videos instead of his phone. No use lying to himself about the reason why as it was staring into the camera right at this moment, in beautiful full-screen HD.

“So, settle down,” Eliott said, his voice lower than usual, making Lucas shiver, “I’d like to draw you tonight, if you don’t mind.” He grabbed something off-screen and came back with a glass of champagne, “For your enjoyment,” he mumbled, his eyes in slits as he smiled. 

The glass clinked on a table left of the microphone, and Lucas almost looked to his left to check if it was there. 

“Sit however you’re most comfortable. Can I?” he asked, before reaching towards the camera, “Let me just fix your hair.” He looked right above the camera, focused on the ‘hair’ and Lucas’ heart skipped a beat.

“Beautiful,” Eliott whispered, looking into the camera for entirely too long. And yet, not long enough.

Next he picked up his sketchpad and his pencils, tapping the pencils against the paper for a moment. “I’m going to start now, take a drink whenever you feel like.”

He started drawing looking up from the paper once in a while to give instructions or, and Lucas softly gasped every time he did so, hand out compliments. 

“You have gorgeous eyes,” Eliott whispered, head tilted and eyes fixed on the paper in front of him. 

He drew some more in silence before pausing and looking up again. “I hope you’ve been sleeping better these last few days. I know you’ve had some issues lately.” He paused, as if waiting for an answer and then nodded, “Guess you’ll just have to keep watching my videos, then.” He grinned, winking at the camera before resuming his drawing.

“Done,” he said after what seemed like forever, but was closer to half an hour. “I really hope you like it,” he looked vulnerable, soft in the orange light falling on his face. “Maybe if you do, we could… get some coffee?” He paused again, smiling.

“Okay, ready?” he asked, and slowly turned the page.

Lucas still found himself wide awake. Usually he fell asleep halfway through the video, lulled into slumber by Eliott’s voice and the pencil strokes. Now, he felt like he stood on the edge of something big, something he should stay awake for.

That something was revealed when Eliott fully turned the drawing to the camera.

It was him, or at least, his profile picture on Youtube.

“Think about that coffee, yeah?” Eliott asked before the screen cut to black and Lucas was left to stare at his own reflection.

*

He watched the video again immediately after it ended, sitting up in bed, his blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

After the video ended for the second time, he padded out of his room, making his way towards the kitchen. He startled when he found Manon and Emma there, a bottle of wine on the table, their faces close together as they talked.

“Oh,” he breathed, and Manon jumped, “sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s okay,” Emma grinned, sipping from her glass of wine.

“Can’t sleep?” Manon tilted her head as she looked him over, pushing her hair behind her ears. 

Lucas shifted on his feet, his socks scuffling over the tiled floor. “Just getting some water,” he replies, ignoring the way Manon’s eyes narrow.

He quickly filled up a glass, turning to make his way back to his room, when Manon’s hand shot out to grab his wrist.

“Are you sure?” she asked. The moonlight fell in through the window, illuminating her eyes and the way she looks at him. There’s love and worry in her eyes and Lucas nods.

“I’m okay,” he promised her, and she lets go of his wrist, mimicking his nod.

“Lucas?” Emma spoke out just before he leaves the kitchen. He turned around, watching her look at him, “Yann will be at the university cafeteria at ten tomorrow morning, he has a tutoring session from nine until ten.” She waited for a beat before smiling at him and turning back to her conversation with Manon.

Lucas mumbled his thanks before he left the room and crawled back under the covers in his bed. Softly, he closed the lid of his laptop, setting his alarm on his phone before letting his eyes close, falling into a restless slumber.

*

He woke up before his alarm and took a long shower to stall time, not wanting to arrive too early and disrupt Yann’s tutor session.

When it’s finally time to leave, he stuffs his laptop in his backpack and sets out towards the cafeteria.

It’s not hard to spot Yann in the crowded cafeteria for the sole reason that he’s not alone at the table. Arthur and Basile are there as well, loudly discussing something Lucas doesn’t care about on a good day, let alone when he has way more important things to talk about.

“I need to tell you something,” he said, the moment he reaches the table. Pulling out the laptop, he starts telling his friends about the video, about the question Eliott asked and the drawing he made.

Yann doesn’t comment, just let Lucas talk and show them the last minutes of the video. Only when the video cuts out and Lucas made a soft sound somewhere between  _ help _ and  _ what now? _ does he speak up.

“What did you sent him?” he asked, finger moving over the touchpad to scroll back to a still of the drawing.

“I… uh…,” Lucas stammered, making the three boys look at him in disbelief.

“Dude, you’ve been wanting to bone this guy for months now,” Arthur said, frowning at Lucas.

“I…,” Lucas said again before huffing and crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, okay?”

Yann simply raised his eyebrows, waiting for Lucas to elaborate.

Lucas sighed, scuffing the toe of his sneaker against the ground, eyes locked on something in the far distance. “What if he doesn’t mean it? Like, what if it’s just a joke?”

“Ask him,” Basile stated simply and Lucas opened his mouth to tell him it wasn’t that simple when Yann speaks up.

“For once I agree with him. Ask him, straight up.”

“What does that even mean, straight up?” Lucas asked, even as he pulled up the messaging page on YouTube as he spoke. 

“Just ask, like, ‘are you serious about the coffee?’” Arthur said, and Lucas typed just that, biting his lip as his finger hovered over the send button.

“You have nothing to lose, have you?” Yann asked him, his voice soft as he looked at Lucas.

“Do I add a gif?” Lucas tapped the side of his phone, looking up at Yann.

“Yeah, and under that, add ‘xoxo, love you’,” Arthur quipped, rolling his eyes at Lucas.

“Fuck you,” Lucas muttered under his breath as he pressed send. 

The reply came almost instantly, as if Eliott had been holding his phone, waiting for Lucas to text him.  _ I’m always serious about coffee! _

“Oh,” Lucas breathed, and Yann’s eyes grew large.

“Did he reply?” he asked, leaning forward to look at Lucas’ screen, “Did he say no? If he made fun of you, I’m going to kick his ass.” His voice was soft, yet protective and Lucas smiled at him.

“No, he said he meant it.”

“Yes,” Basile fistpumped the air, “tell him to come here, they have surprisingly good coffee.”

Arthur just stared at Basile for a beat, “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“I don’t even know if he lives in Paris,” Lucas said, panic suddenly setting in, “What if he lives on the other side of France? Or like… Belgium?”

“I thought you had talked to him before?” Yann asked him, eyebrows raising up.

“We did, we just… never really talked about that,” Lucas said. His leg jumped up and down under the table as he stared down at his chat with Eliott, trying to think of things that could clue him in on his location.

“You could just… ask him,” Arthur suggested, “And you know, if he does happen to live far away, it’s not the end of the world. I had a long distance relationship for a while and it was fine, it was only annoying when she had the kids and so she couldn’t come all the way to Paris to come see me.”

Lucas nodded, already typing up a message to Eliott.  _ I don’t even know where you live. _

“Are we just going to ignore what he just said?” Basile asked the table, and Yann just shrugged.

_ Paris :)  _ Eliott replied.

_ Oh, me too! _ Lucas typed, butterflies erupting in his stomach when Eliott replied with a slew of emojis that didn’t really make sense but still got the message across.

_ So… do you want to? Get coffee? With me? _ Eliott asked, the three messages coming in rapid succession.

Lucas looked up at his friends, who were all silently looking back at him. “I think I’m going on a date,” he said, grinning, and the table erupted in cheers.

*

They decided to meet up at a coffee bar near the science building. Lucas had weirdly never set foot in the place since he either brought his coffee with him from home - in a handy thermos Manon had gifted him for his last birthday - or, when it was his turn to bring the coffee to class for him and Imane, he stopped at the cafeteria. It was both on his way to class and, like Basile had said, the coffee was surprisingly good for being so cheap. So, Lucas had never seen a reason to go to the, frankly overpriced and hipster-y looking, coffee bar Eliott had suggested.

The place was deserted when Lucas walked in, ten minutes early, the only people that were there were a bored looking barista behind the counter and a couple making out on one of the couches in the far corner. Soft music played, something Lucas dimly seemed to remember from pianoclass but couldn’t quite place, and the whole place smelled like vanilla for some reason.

He bounced on his toes for a beat before making his way to the counter and ordering a simple black coffee, taking it to a table near the window. 

His leg bounced under the table as he waited, nervously taking sips of his coffee. He kept his eyes on the inside of the coffee bar, studying the posters and artwork lining the walls, trying not to turn every time he thought he saw someone pass by the window. He didn’t want to be the one that had to make the first move, the one that had to alert Eliott of his presence. For some reason that seemed like it was too scary, too big of a thing.

He was staring at a poster of  _ Amélie _ when he hears someone scrape their throat, “Lucas?” Eliott asks and Lucas turns his head to look at him.

“Wow, you’re tall,” is the first thing that came out of Lucas’ mouth and he wished the earth would just swallow him whole right now. Except Eliott laughed, eyes turning into half moons.

He sat down in front of Lucas, elbows resting on the table, leaning forward, eyes intensely focused on Lucas’ face.

“Hi,” he said, almost whispered.

“Hi,” Lucas replied, smiling.

It was surreal to have Eliott sitting in front of him, the boy’s wide eyes looking straight at him instead of in the camera, his unruly hair close enough to touch. 

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Eliott smiled and Lucas nodded. 

Both were silent for a couple of seconds before Lucas laughed, “I feel like this is so typical, when you’ve waited to meet someone for so long and then it happens and you don’t know what to say.”

Eliott tilted his head, a soft smile pulling at his lips, “You were waiting for this? To meet me?”

“I mean, it’s just…,” Lucas shrugged, stammering before making eye contact with Eliott again, “I guess so, yeah. I was.”

Eliott’s eyes shone in the late afternoon light falling in through the window. He shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief, “Me too.”

Lucas pressed his lips together to stop a wide smile from spilling out, but judging by the look on Eliott’s face, he saw anyway. 

In the background the music switched, making Lucas look up, his eyes falling back on the poster he was looking at before. “ _ Comptine d'un autre été _ ,” he said, without thinking, finally realising where he knows the music from. 

Eliott frowns before grinning widely, “ _ Amélie _ ,” he nodded, “not exactly my kind of music, but still one of the best soundtracks out there.”

After that, it’s like they move effortlessly from one topic to another, starting with music and movies, which flows into what Eliott is studying - French media - and then they move on to Lucas’ studies, ending up talking about space and the endless possibilities of life.

Lucas felt like he had known Eliott forever, like every moment in his life lead him to here. Sitting at a table in the light of the setting sun, the soft tones of piano enveloping him as he listens to the melodic voice of Eliott talk about everything and nothing at once.

When the bored barista finally shoved them out the door, the sun had completely set and Paris was lit up by a million tiny lights, painting Eliott’s features in a soft orange glow.

“I should probably go before my roommate thinks you’ve murdered me,” Lucas said.

Eliott nodded, but stepped closer to Lucas. “Can I?” he asked, raising his hand. Lucas nodded without knowing what he’s agreeing to, and Eliott’s hand softly stroked through his hair. “I’ve wanted to do this since that video,” he smiled.

“Okay,” Lucas said before surging forward, hands on Eliott’s hips as he steadies himself on the tips of his toes to kiss him. Eliott’s hands immediately come up to hold his face, thumbs pressing against his cheekbones. “I’ve wanted to do that since you walked in,” Lucas said, as he lowers himself back to the ground, heels thudding softly when they touch the pavement.

Eliott laughed, bending forward to peck him one more time, “Glad we got that out of our system,” he says, lips still inches from Lucas’.

“I don’t know,” Lucas hedged, “I might have to repeat that a couple of times.”

Eliott’s eyes are soft as he looks at Lucas, pressing his forehead against Lucas’. “We’ll just have to meet again soon, then.”

*

Lucas took the long way home, letting the crisp night air clear his head. His lips still tingling with the memory of Eliott’s lips. He touched them softly, his fingertips grazing where Eliott’s lips had been before. 

When he reached his apartment, he found Manon still awake, sitting on the couch, the tv softly playing in the background, a cup of tea in between her hands. She looked up as he entered the room, eyebrows raised in silent question. 

He smiled, dropping down next to Manon with a satisfied sigh. 

“That good?” she asked and he huffed a laugh.

“That good,” he repeated. “He’s really kind, and funny, and…,” he trailed off, feeling his cheeks heat up in a blush. Manon grinned at him, knocking her shoulder into his. “Yeah,” he just said, shrugging. 

Manon sipped her tea, the ghost of a smile on her lips as she took in Lucas’ face. “You look happy,” she said after a long silence. 

Lucas tilted his head in thought, replaying the evening, his thought halting at the kiss. “I think I am,” he said finally. “It’s still too early to tell…,” he trailed off, shrugging one shoulder, “but I think I am.” 

He thought about how effortless the conversation between him and Eliott had been. How they had seemed to understand each other, had enough in common for the conversation to flow easily but could also learn from each other and playfully disagree on some topics. 

“Do you think it’s dumb to feel this much for someone you just met?” He asked Manon, echoing the question spinning around in his head for so long now.

Manon looked at him. She turned back away to put her cup down, giving herself some extra time to think about an answer, before turning back to him, pulling her legs under her, her arm leaning on the back of the couch. “What do you feel for him?” she asked, instead of answering his question.

He blinked slowly, opening and closing his mouth in an effort to come up with the right words. 

“Or,” she said, shuffling on the couch to make herself more comfortable, “what does he make you feel? I think that’s the better question.”

“He makes me feel…,” Lucas sighed, eyes turned down, “he makes me feel safe. In a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt with someone I was romantically interested in before.”

“Why do you think that is?” Manon asked, voice soft in the darkness of their living room.

“I think it started with the ASMR, he made me fall asleep. No one has ever succeeded in making me fall asleep. Not even after…,” he grinned down at his knees and Manon snorted. “But now that we’re talking, it’s more than that. It’s… he listens to me, you know? He listens and he asks questions and he talks himself and there was never a moment where I felt like what I was saying was dumb or irrelevant.”

He looked up at her, the glow of the tv illuminating her smile.

“I think that’s what’s important, Lucas. Not how long it has been or how you’ve met. Just that he makes you feel like that. Hold on to that, fuck everything else.” Lucas laughed at her curse, her face scrunching up with the word, fierceness in her eyes. 

“Okay,” he agreed.

They said good night shortly after. Lucas quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face before making his way to his room. He felt tired but winded, and couldn’t wait to put on an old video of Eliott’s to help him sleep. 

As he stepped into his room, he fished his phone out of his pocket and threw it on the bed, watching it bounce harmlessly to the middle of the bed before undressing and crawling under the covers himself. 

He grabbed for his phone somewhere between the folds of his sheets, intending to text Yann to tell him about the date, when he saw the notification. 

Eliott has posted another video. Without hesitation, Lucas clicked on the video, curious as to what Eliott could’ve posted this late.

In the video, Eliott was in the clothes he wore for their date but it was light outside so Lucas figured he must’ve filmed this before he left.

“Hi,” the video started, his eyes sparkling and Lucas’ heart jumps. “I wasn’t normally posting a video today because I’m…,” he paused, grinned widely, “Well, you know... But then I didn’t want to risk you not being able to fall asleep tonight,” Lucas assumed he’s talking about his audience in general, but still, it felt like he’s talking to him in particular. The way Eiott’s eyes are locked into the camera, not unlike how they were locked onto Lucas’ face only hours earlier. That feeling only grows stronger when Eliott continues, “So, uh, if you’re not tired of hearing my voice and seeing my face yet, I made this, and I’ll post it later tonight. It’s going to be short because I don’t have much time but it’s better than nothing I guess.” His smile is wide, soft laugh lines appearing next to his mouth. 

Lucas could feel his own smile appearing, looking at the boy that was slowly but surely taking over his entire heart. 

Eliott tapped his pencil against the side of his desk before grimacing and instead started to tap his fingers in a constant beat. “I wanted to work with colors tonight but I’m a notoriously messy artist and I don’t want to appear later with my hands covered in all kinds of colours,” he huffed a laugh. 

Lucas wished he could tell him he wouldn’t have minded, would’ve probably been fascinated by the colors against Eliott’s skin. 

On screen, Eliott started drawing. Slow strokes and broad movements, his face wrinkled in concentration. After about ten minutes he looked up somewhere to his right, his eyes narrowing as if trying to read something.

“Oh, I need to leave.” He looked down at the drawing and half-shrugs one shoulder, “It’s not completely finished but…,” he trailed off. He raised the paper, turning it to reveal it to Lucas. There were two hands, boy hands, intertwined. 

Eliott smiled softly, his face aimed at the floor like it was a secret. Lucas’ heart jumped when he remembered how that smile tasted.

“By the time you’ll see this, I’ll be home again. Still though…,” he huffed, “wish me luck. See you soon.” He looked right into the camera as he said it. Lucas was sure he was talking to him, not the rest of his subscribers.

He itched to reach out, to hold him.

He scrolled down, kind of curious about the comments on this video. The comment section was filled with people screaming about something in the description box, either mourning the fact that Eliott was no longer single or telling him how happy they were for him. Both confused Lucas, seeing as Eliott didn’t even explicitly mentioned he was going on a date.

He scrolled back up, clicking to open the description box, hoping to find something there that would explain the comments. As he read what was in there, he bit his lip to stop himself from making an embarrassing sound. 

_ I wasn’t going to post this publicly. This was only meant for the amazing boy I finally met in real life today. But sadly I realized I don’t have his phone number and I don’t know if he has push notifications on for the messaging on YT and do know he has them on for this channel (that thought still makes my heart beat faster, you’re going to kill me) and I want him to sleep tonight. You’re already beautiful, but you still need your beauty sleep. _

Lucas fondly rolled his eyes, Eliott had to know he obsessively checked his messages since he and Eliott started talking. 

_ In conclusion, Lucas, if you’re reading this (and I really hope you are) please dm me your phone number so I can avoid embarrassing myself further. (Unless you did that on purpose which, wow… that would be painful) _

Lucas grinned widely, thumbing open the messaging app to send Eliott his phone number.  _ You’re a dork _ , he included, for good measure.

His phone pinged with a text message not one minute later. 

_ You’re dating a dork, so I don’t know who’s worse in this situation. _

Lucas’ laugh was giddy, eyes going over the message again and again.

_ Shit, was that too soon?  _ Eliott asked. 

_ We don’t have to call it dating yet.  _

_ I can tone it down.  _

_ A little.  _

_ Not at all. _ Lucas assured him, stopping Eliott’s frantic texting.  _ I’d like to date you _ He added, heart beating faster with the confession. After a moment of hesitation he followed it up with a heart.

Eliott immediately replied in kind, Lucas’ phone screen lighting up three times in quick succession as Eliott send him hearts.  _ Good night, Lucas. See you soon _

_ Good night _ Lucas texted back, eyes falling shut as he clutched the phone close to his body.

*

Two days later, Lucas and Imane were leaving the science building when Imane suddenly stopped in her tracks and narrowed her eyes.

“What?” Lucas asked, turning his head to try and find what she was looking at.

Elliott was standing on the other side of the street, leaning against a tree, a cigarette between his fingers burning to ashes. 

“He’s pretty,” Imane noted, grinning when all Lucas did was nod, smile on his face, “I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Don’t forget to do your readings.”

Lucas crossed the street, stopping in front of Eliott, who dropped his cigarette and stomped it out under the tip of his boot.

“Hi,” Lucas said, looking up at him, “I didn’t know you were coming.”

A look of nervousness crossed Eliott’s face, “I’m sorry, it’s just, I was in the neighbourhood and you said you were almost done with class and I thought…” he shrugged. 

“No, it’s good,” Lucas said, stepping closer to Eliott, “I wanted to see you too.”

Eliott’s smile could light up entire cities, and Lucas’ heart did a somersault as he leaned down to softly kiss him, hands coming up to cradle his face. 

As Eliott’s lips pushed against his, Lucas was hit with the feeling that they had been doing this forever. Kissing Eliott felt natural, familiar, even if this was technically only the second time doing so. It felt like he had known him all his life, had kissed those lips for years.

He gasped as Eliott pulled back and immediately surged forward again. Eliott made a soft sound against his lips, and Lucas’ fingers pressed into his hips. 

“Lucas,” Eliott whispered as they finally separated, voice low and hoarse, not unlike how his voice tended to be at the end of one of his videos. Lucas shivered, pressed his nose against Eliott’s neck.

“Sorry,” he mumbled there.

Eliott pulled back, making Lucas struggle for a second before giving up and looking up at him.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas sighed, looking out at the street, the cars passing by, his classmates milling in front of the steps of the science building. Eliott waited. “I just... ,” he sighed again, frustration clear in his voice as he didn’t find the appropriate words to tell Eliott how he felt. 

“How did you know you wanted to meet me when you had only seen my profile picture on youtube?” He asked instead, “For all you knew the picture wasn’t me and I looked nothing like that.”

Eliott blinked slowly, taken aback by the sudden question. “Let’s go somewhere,” he said, instead of answering.

Lucas narrowed his eyes at him, suspicious at the sudden change of topic, but since he had changed the topic before himself, he let it go and let Eliott grab his hand, softly pulling him along.

“Where are we going?” he asked, turning his hand so his fingers locked between Eliott’s.

Eliott squeezed his hand before replying, “My favorite place in the city.”

They walked in silence, their hands softly swinging between them, the sounds of the city the background noise for Lucas’ thoughts.

When they arrived at the park, Eliott swung his free hand out, “La Petite Ceinture,” he announced, walking in through the gate.

It’s like the world immediately went silent. The tall trees keeping out the sounds of traffic, instead making place for the rustling of leaves and the soft calling of the birds. Lucas craned his neck upwards, looking up at the sky as he trusted Eliott to lead him forward.

“This is it,” Eliott said after they had walked a while longer. 

“This?” Lucas questioned, looking at the bridge in front of him, the sun throwing golden shapes through the trees. 

Eliott nodded, letting go of Lucas’ hand and walking towards the bridge, eyes on Lucas still as he walked backwards. “This is where I go when I need some time alone. It’s my safe haven.”

Lucas laughed, following him under the bridge, “You’re not alone now.”

“No,” Eliott replied, drawing out the word as he looks at Lucas, “I’m not alone now.” 

Their toes touched as they stopped in the shadow of the bridge.

“I need to tell you something,” Eliott said, hand reaching up to push Lucas’ hair back. Lucas leaned into the touch, eyes locked on Eliott’s face. “I knew what you looked like before we met,” Lucas opens his mouth to speak but Eliott continued, “Not just from your YouTube icon.”

He took his phone out of his back pocket, pressing the home button to unlock it and opening instagram. Lucas watched him maneuver to his profile before Eliott turned the phone around in his hand and held it out to him.

Slowly, Lucas took the phone,  _ srodulv _ , the stalker profile, is opened and Lucas can see all its posts. He scrolled down, taking in the pictures of Eliott, the drawings of the little raccoon and hedgehog, the artistic shots of what Lucas assumed was the very place they were standing in.

“This is you?” he asked, not waiting for confirmation, eyes still on the profile. He pressed on one of the drawings, the hedgehog sitting at a table, a cup of coffee in front of him on the table, a raccoon watching him from a few steps further.  _ You’re so beautiful _ under the picture. 

Lucas looked up at Eliott. “Who is the hedgehog?”

Elliott smiled, though the smile doesn’t reach his eyes, still clouded with nervousness, “You.”

Lucas looked back down, “You went through my profile, before we met,” he scrolled, tapping on some of the pictures to look at them closer, “And my friend’s profiles.”

“I’m sorry,” Eliott said, “I know it must sound so… crazy,” the word sounded bitter on his tongue, and as Lucas took in his face, he suspected the word held a lot of trauma.

“Not crazy,” Lucas said, locking the phone, handing it back. “Maybe a little extra.”

Eliott took the phone, slipping it back into his back pocket, “You’re not mad? Or… something?”

“No,” Lucas assured him, “not mad. Maybe…” he searched for words, eyes flitting around the many colors of the graffitti. “Curious? Maybe curious to why you didn’t just ask me. I would’ve understood you wanting to see me before meeting me.”

Eliott’s breath comes out stuttering and he takes a step away from Lucas, “I was… manic.” He looks away from Lucas and back again, “Like I said in my video, I had been doing really well but then,” he sighs, looking down again at the floor, shoulders raised as if to shield himself, “I had been working really hard for school and the channel and I just felt myself spiralling into a depressive episode.”

Lucas itched to reach out, take him into his arms, but from the way Eliott was standing, still turned into himself, closed off to him, Lucas understands that’s not what he needs right now.

“And then you replied to that video,” he looked up at Lucas for a second, “the one with the drawing of the man alone on that planet,” when Lucas nodded his understanding, Eliott’s eyes slip away from his face again. “I was so desperate not to get depressed again, not to slip into that state.” 

He sighed, looked up once more, “I fixated on you, became… obsessed with knowing more.”

Lucas frowned, threw his own arms around his torso, felt himself tearing up in fear.

“Then the mania struck and I looked up your instagram and your friends and everything I could find online,” Eliott sounded tired, “And you know what happened after, I came back down and fell into the depressive episode that had already been building before.”

It fell quiet between them, the only sounds the chirping of the birds and somewhere in the far distance the sounds of people walking through the park.

“What does this mean?” Lucas finally asked, breaking the silence.

Eliott frowned in confusion, “Mean?” he echoed.

“For us,” Lucas explained, feeling how his lip slowly began to tremble, “did you just… is this just a fixation still?”

“Lucas,” Eliott rushed forward into Lucas’ space, “No!” He grabbed Lucas’ face, making him look up at him, “No,” he repeated. “In fact I’m...,” he trailed off, thumbs pressing into the sides of Lucas’ face, the tips of his fingers still angling his head up, “It’s kind of stupid how much I care about you already. The comments you left behind on my videos, and the conversations we had online before we met… I had such a crush on you, Lucas.”

“Had?” Lucas asked, swallowing harshly.

Eliott smiled, and it’s that real one again, the one that can light up cities, “I might be developing a little more than a crush on you.”

Lucas kissed him, lips pressing harshly against Eliott’s, almost hard enough to bruise. “We’ve only just met,” he said when they separated again.

"But we’ve been talking for months now,” Eliott argued back.

“You have a very broad definition of talking,” Lucas laughed, closing his eyes for a second when Eliott’s thumb brushed under his eye, wiping away the unshed tears. “The first couple of months were just me commenting on your videos.”

Eliott smiled, “I think I had a crush on you from that very first snarky comment you left on my video.”

Lucas blushed, turning his head in the palm of Eliott hand.

“Am I alone, though?” Eliott asked, voice suddenly serious again, as he searched Lucas’ eyes.

“No,” Lucas confessed, “I care about you two. I think about you all the time,” he whispered, eyes not meeting Eliott’s.

“Then let’s just take it from here,” Eliott said.

Lucas nodded in agreement before raising himself up on his toes again, capturing Eliott’s lips in a kiss once more, sighing as Eliott opens his mouth to let Lucas in. Eliott tastes like the promise of love, a promise Lucas is intent on keeping.

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on Tumblr](http://greathalesonfire.tumblr.com/)   



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